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Monday, September 15, 2008
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Nuclear Powered Poopin' machines
It's enough that I have to worry about what the terrorist color code Alert level is and where I put my glasses. Now thanks to a report on CNN it appears the sophisticated, expensive double secret sensors bought by the feds to protect our ports can't tell the difference between a portable nuclear device and naturally occurring radioactivity in kitty litter.
I'm worried because Grumpus [R-West Park] seems to spend way to much time in or precariously perched over the litter box. Followed by a frantic 5 minutes of pawing noises and cat litter hitting the floor. Sometimes he reminds me of some nervous bowel movement obsessed uncle in a Woody Allen movie.
You might think the radioactivity would kill the smell, but no such luck. I'm not referring to the pungent ammonia of an over-ripe cat box, but to the room clearing, --run for the outside (but down the street from a dairy) fresh air-- Poopfest of Grumpus. Something died in there. And there seems to be more of it everyday.
I've woken up in the middle of the night to gag and retch only to fall back into a troubled sleep to dream of cats mastering the concept of opposible thumbs/dewclaws and a pack of matches.
But I fear it is even worse than that. Either the laws of our universe are different than our scientists and our faith based creationists have told us or something so dangerous it causes my tin foil helment to leave my ears ringing.
The math is simple. 10 pounds of Meow Mix and 10 lbs. of Grumpus equals 50 pounds of cat poop. Who needs to worry about global warming or black helicopters when we are surrounded by nuclear powered pooping machines?
And what is the half life of radioactive cat poop??
I'm worried because Grumpus [R-West Park] seems to spend way to much time in or precariously perched over the litter box. Followed by a frantic 5 minutes of pawing noises and cat litter hitting the floor. Sometimes he reminds me of some nervous bowel movement obsessed uncle in a Woody Allen movie.
You might think the radioactivity would kill the smell, but no such luck. I'm not referring to the pungent ammonia of an over-ripe cat box, but to the room clearing, --run for the outside (but down the street from a dairy) fresh air-- Poopfest of Grumpus. Something died in there. And there seems to be more of it everyday.
I've woken up in the middle of the night to gag and retch only to fall back into a troubled sleep to dream of cats mastering the concept of opposible thumbs/dewclaws and a pack of matches.
But I fear it is even worse than that. Either the laws of our universe are different than our scientists and our faith based creationists have told us or something so dangerous it causes my tin foil helment to leave my ears ringing.
The math is simple. 10 pounds of Meow Mix and 10 lbs. of Grumpus equals 50 pounds of cat poop. Who needs to worry about global warming or black helicopters when we are surrounded by nuclear powered pooping machines?
And what is the half life of radioactive cat poop??
Love thy enemy [crunch]
I was wandering thru the Big Potato Supermarket today and noticed something quite disturbing. I could feel the evil side of the force. Darth Vader was staring out at me from Diet Pepsi multipaks, from Cheez-Its, from potato chip bags, from the frozen food case.
Excuse me, but when did ultimate evil become OK to use to market your product?
The Darth Tater by Hasbro (think Mr. Potatohead) should have been the first clue. Since I got home I've seen Darth battling the Burger King. The movie hasn't even opened and I'm afraid of the cereal aisle. The Lucas marketing machine is in full force.
But what if this bad boy persona turns into a regular marketing ploy? We may only be a few corporate mergers away from Bin Laden staring out at us from our microwave popcorn, or Adolph Hitler from our white chocolate bars. Or imagine Richard Nixon gazing coolly on your box of Luden Cough Drops. (They couldn't afford to license Donald Trump or Jerry Tarkanian.)
Does everything have to be commercialized and become a commodity? And why am I feeling that the movie is a marketing platform for video games, wookie dolls and R2-D2 Pepsi vending machines?
By the way, anyone interested in buying a case of commerative Jar Jar Binks Pop-Up Lick-em sticks?
Excuse me, but when did ultimate evil become OK to use to market your product?
The Darth Tater by Hasbro (think Mr. Potatohead) should have been the first clue. Since I got home I've seen Darth battling the Burger King. The movie hasn't even opened and I'm afraid of the cereal aisle. The Lucas marketing machine is in full force.
But what if this bad boy persona turns into a regular marketing ploy? We may only be a few corporate mergers away from Bin Laden staring out at us from our microwave popcorn, or Adolph Hitler from our white chocolate bars. Or imagine Richard Nixon gazing coolly on your box of Luden Cough Drops. (They couldn't afford to license Donald Trump or Jerry Tarkanian.)
Does everything have to be commercialized and become a commodity? And why am I feeling that the movie is a marketing platform for video games, wookie dolls and R2-D2 Pepsi vending machines?
By the way, anyone interested in buying a case of commerative Jar Jar Binks Pop-Up Lick-em sticks?
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